I cried for my grandma.
I cried for my great-grandma.
I cried for all the women who came before me.
My lineage comforted me. I know they see me.
I cried for myself because I can see that I’m repeating behaviors and concepts that kept them trapped. I cannot choose to make the same decisions they were forced to make. They made their choices out of survival, and I’m making the same choices out of complacency and expectation. I cannot disrespect my creators by willingly choosing to participate in what they were forced to endure. The suffering is generational, and it stops with me. I must break free of the mindsets and contracts that created these scarcities in my life. I always feel like there isn’t enough time, money, or energy. I do not lack; however, I’ve created a mindset that fears scarcity so much I invite that energy into my life.
I will not continue to allow power to undermine or persuade me. I will no longer give the benefit of the doubt to those who abuse my heart. I will no longer label maliciousness as ignorant or oblivious. I will observe the actions but not internalize the intent. It’s not personal. I will not show them how much their actions have hurt me; I will not show them how much they’ve taken from me. They have repeatedly abused my accessibility and care, and I will not allow it any longer. What I thought was a mutually beneficial relationship turned out to be a one-sided energy siphon. The return doesn’t equate to the loss of authenticity and autonomy. Though what they have done has caused me pain, they cannot break me. They cannot break me because you made me.
You have given so much for me to flourish today, and I will never be able to articulate how grateful I am for your sacrifices. Those sacrifices you’ve made were not only for you but for me too—even if you didn’t know me at the time, you had me in mind. Your choices helped shape the circumstances for my arrival and the way I thrive now. I will forever devote my life to LIVING for the women who made me. I will not just exist; I will not make the same decisions out of comfort or fear. I will live truly and authentically for them. I hope I can return the sacrificial investments tenfold.
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