I’ve always been a big dreamer. So big, that I wanted to be the first female president when I was younger (oh the irony writing this in 2025). I definitely do not want that anymore, but I do still have a never-ending bucket list of activities and experiences I want to enjoy. As my political dreams turned into literary aspirations, I had no choice but to embrace the delusion. If I could dream of being president as a child I could dream to be a bookworm, gardener, writer, and lover of all things in my 20’s.
The delusion I once embraced turned into something else during a trying time in my life. I quit my job, was living at home, and depressed for about 3 months, and I randomly applied to a job that paid well and seemed fun. I had no hopes of actually getting the job because I had applied for over 100 jobs before that. Funny thing is, it all turned around for me when I got the job and actually a couple other offers after that (too late suckers I found a job). I was so alone and sad during that time that the only reason why I applied to that job was because the little God complex in me said “You’re qualified and you deserve it” even if the 99 others disagreed.
I started seeing my delusion as something deeper than that. I knew it was more complex and needed a better container for that aspect of myself. I realized what I called delusion slowly started turning into faith. One job, one opportunity, gave me an entirely different perspective on how I saw myself. I wasn’t delusional- I was faithful. I knew that something was gonna work out in my favor, I just didn’t know exactly what it was. I think that’s why I’m writing about this topic now because I’m going through another season of faith and allowing myself to take risks that I would’ve previously labeled as crazy.
I know that I can and should take calculated risks. I know that you don’t get anywhere by waiting for handouts or for someone to tell you what to do. I know that some times the right time is right now. I know that I should believe in myself too. But you know how there are somethings in life you know, but have to experience to get the full understanding? That’s what this was. I knew all these things, but I had to go through that period of stillness and emotional turmoil to reinforce my faith in myself. I stopped letting my fears and conditioning dictate my level of worry. I was only able to do that because I was so delu- I mean faithful. I was so sure of myself but also my environment that I knew that something was going to workout and it did.
And now I’m back, practicing that again 3 years later. My faith is what has allowed me to experience some wonderful places and people that would’ve been missed if I allowed my doubts or expectation control the narrative. My faith in myself and in the world has been my guidance. I am more confident in myself and it exudes off of me. I am more secure within myself because I took a chance on myself. I wouldn’t recommend burning bridges or ending chapters too early for the hell of it. But, if you are making calculated and intentional risks, I pray the odds ever be in your favor friend.
Unconditionally,
EthereaLyric <3
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