My grueling search for answers led me to the base of a hill. The lush foliage and sun encompassed me as I prepared to hike to the small dwelling east of the hilltop trees. I stilled and embraced the wind, the songs of the birds, the smells of the valley. Once I grounded myself and grasped a tiny bit of courage, I let my feet lead me. Or was it my heart? I had been searching for this for months, and now that I’m at the very moment that could alter my destiny, as I so desperately wanted, I am afraid. No, I am weary, never afraid. I have conquered an unsuitable childhood, a terrible mate, and murderous bounty men. I can do more than most. I shouldn’t have gotten this far, but I know I am destined to reveal this part of myself, no matter how weary I feel.
As I continued up the hilltop, I saw Forlin. A sense of security and calm washed over me when our eyes locked. I knew he was more prepared for integration than anyone. Being a former head of affairs for the throne, he’d overseen many rituals such as this one. But this integration was mine. I am ready to become one with all parts of myself. The integration will hopefully slow things down for me. I’ve lived many lives already, and that’s mostly due to my mother and her influence. I was born away from the community, and my mother was shunned for it. The decision to give birth in the saltwater was one that was deemed taboo since the change of power hundreds of years ago. When Catalfo’s ancestors gained the nations, they rewrote many Saelin histories and traditions. Saltwater entries were tradition to the Saelish people and sacred to our motherhood lines. Due to my mother’s desire to stick to tradition, I was born without the community singlesight. This made me more than a threat.
We neared the entry to the Eastside temple, and I felt a brush against my shoulder. “This will slow it down, but you don’t have to do it, Winry. You’ve managed this far being disintegrated,” he reminded me. He reminded me of the horrors I saw, the thinking I’ve done, and the nights I’d go crazy because no one else understood the connections I saw so clearly. Once I found out why no one cared as much as I did, I grieved for weeks. I cried every morning, realizing I was blessed and cursed with truth-seeing while my community, my family, and my closest friends were imprisoned yet protected by singlesight. Catalfo and her family’s reign has destroyed our culture, our accomplishments, and our minds.
“I know,” I said softly, “but wouldn’t it be nice for a break?” I smiled coyly. We both knew that integration would not relieve me of my unfiltered mind. It would just help slow down the progression of my knowing until we could get a more permanent solution.
“Your jokes do not ease my worry for you. The bounty men, the wellness team—every time you get too close to losing it all, you make me wonder why I chose to leave my position tending to the throne,” he expressed with a solemn tone. “I want you to do what’s best for you, but integration is only temporary for you. We have to get the tomes to know why integration became standard at entry. And with the things we both know, we will either find it or die trying.”
“I’d rather die trying than continue to hide and blend in with a regime that’s okay with what Catalfo is doing.” I expressed firmly. “I need this for now so I can go into town without being gawked at. Maybe we can finally get some things done if we aren’t considered suspicious when we go into town. Not to mention the days of time we lose taking the valleys instead of the main roads.” I gesture to the fields around us. Beautiful but far, far away from any direct route or population.
As I turned to make my way to the stairs of the temple, a woman opened the door with a shaky, wrinkled hand. I tried to keep my small grasp on the course I sought earlier, but seeing someone with the same mark as me made me sob. As the tears welled up in my eyes, I finally felt less alone. That I wasn’t an “other” or shamed. As I wiped my tears and my vision came into focus, I looked closely at the woman’s shawl and clothing. I studied her jaw and traced the swirling red helix-like lines that traveled down her neck into her shirt.
“Come inside. Dalen told me you were eventually going to find me, dear.”
-EthereaLyric
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