How do I trust myself to take the path my heart desires? I want to live intentionally, I want to live calmly. I do not want to participate in the hustle. I want to be self sustaining or close to it. How do I trust myself to let go of the expectations and follow my heart? I want to be present enough to feel the love in every moment. I want to be able to live a life of existence and not performance. I want to live in a world where I am a human first and that’s all I need to be. I want to live in a world where value is inherent and not earned.
I want to reject the pressure placed on me. I want it to be a non-factor. I don’t quite know if it’s an internal or external weight. I do know that I want to let go.
I thought I wanted to be many things in the past. I wanted to achieve, I wanted to soar. I found value in my accomplishments and not in myself. How do you pivot when all you do is perform?
How do you find value in things not valued by your community? Actually, no. How do you find the courage to value the things others don’t? I want to honor myself and my true yearning. I want to savor every second of my life, I don’t want to watch the clock, waiting to go home. I still want to accomplish many things, But I do not want my ambition to be a performance. I want to find and nurture the inherent value we all have.
I will spend my time reading, pondering, writing, and dillydallying. I will teach my kids how to be kind to others. I will tend to my projects and care for my home. I will create the hearth I’ve always known. I will choose existence over performance.
Do I have what it takes to forge this path? Can I tend to the long term daily- brick by brick? Do I believe that I can have what I desire?
I know I can achieve what I am disciplined towards. But can I take this journey without letting my wins and fails impact my self image? Will I be able to shed performance through achievement?
It’d be a shame to spoil my dreams with old habits.
Unconditionally,
EthereaLyric
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